Decluttering After Divorce: The Best Path to Healing and Renewal

“Our D-I-V-O-R-C-E becomes final today

Me and little J-O-E will be goin’ away…”

You may not be old enough to remember this country classic, but the sentiments echoed within it are as raw and painful as when Tammy Wynette recorded it in 1968.

Divorce is one of the most emotionally and mentally taxing experiences a person can go through. Whether it is occurring as a result of infidelity, abuse, or simply drifting apart, it can feel like the world is crumbling around you. This is completely understandable, which is why it’s essential to explore the benefits and challenges of decluttering after a divorce and practical tips to help you on this journey towards renewal.

Should I Stay or Should I Go?

Many women make the mistake of fighting for and keeping the marital house at all costs — even when they cannot comfortably afford the mortgage, tax, insurance, and upkeep. Not only is this financially risky, but it is also emotionally draining — and keeps you attached to ideas of what your life would look like while you were married.

Having made this decision twice with different outcomes, I feel that nothing beats the feeling of control that one has with packing up a minimum of stuff, grabbing the cat/kiddos, and saying “buh-bye.” However, my maverick style may not suit everyone. If, for whatever reason, you choose to stay in the marital abode for the time being, decluttering will play a crucial role in the healing process.

That said, this will not be a walk in the park and may, in fact, be painful. However, you will find that the cries of triumph will start to outnumber the boo-hoos, and you’ll be able to help someone else going through the same emotional jungle.

But Do I Have to Do It Now?

Only if you want to delay your healing. The sooner you start to remove the constant reminders and negative memories of stuff you’ve accumulated over the years together (you didn’t want a black leather sofa, but you wanted to make him happy…), the further you will progress on your journey to the person you once were, only new and improved!

‘Who am I now that I’m not married?’

If you’ve spent any amount of time as a “we” instead of a “me,” this question of identity will arise, if only in your head at 3am. This is why decluttering after a divorce is a powerful step towards healing and self-renewal. By letting go of the past, you make room for new opportunities and experiences to establish a new identity and curate your space to reflect the evolving you.

As you mentally prepare to rid yourself of the “ghosts of marriage-past,” remember that, at the best of times, clutter has a significant impact on one’s mental health by increasing feelings of anxiety, stress, and depression – Wonder Woman herself would be in a weakened and vulnerable state after a breakup, so you need to give yourself every edge you can and be a ruthless purger!

Enough pep-talk? OK, let’s get busy…

Where Do I Begin?

When Jessica asked me this after her breakup, I wasn’t sure how to answer since her ex had taken most of the furniture (conveniently forgetting that she had paid for half), and there wasn’t much left in the house.

Somehow, we migrated to the bedroom (where at least the bed remained), and I spied clothes peeking out on the closet floor – they were his! “Well, he keeps saying he’ll come and get them…”

Since so much of a relationship’s energy (real and symbolic) is in the bedroom, I highly recommend making this your first line of offense. Make absolutely sure that no clothing, toiletries, or other reminders remain after you sweep the room; you may feel a little coldhearted as you do this, but this simple action will probably prove to be cathartic (Old Spice won’t smell good on you anyway).

Buoyed by your newfound energy, you may want to continue through the home until all personal items are safely encased in bags.

It will be easy to get sidetracked by memories attached to specific items. Stay focused on the task and remind yourself of the weightlessness you’re starting to experience. If you’re starting to waver, it may be a good time to enlist the support of friends, family members, or a professional decluttering coach, all of whom can offer a fresh perspective and help you make decisions.

To avoid overwhelm, I always recommend that my clients use my ONE system and declutter one room at a time (or one category if that’s easier for you) and to keep their work periods one hour or less to avoid decision fatigue. Small victories will build momentum and keep you motivated.

Once you know that everything in the home is, in fact, yours, you may feel called upon to start to get rid of things of your own that no longer serve you. For example, Clothing and sentimental items; just remember that it’s not a race but a journey towards your new life, and soon you will be able to fill your space with items that reflect this.

If you’re hitting a decision wall, try this hint from a client: ask yourself, “If I have to move cross-country tomorrow, do I want to unpack it at the other end?” This will result in a resounding yes or no, both of which are steps in the right direction.

During this activity, it’s important to take time to grieve, something that’s often frowned upon in this stalwart society; the emotions you’re feeling are genuine and must be treated with respect, then allowed to depart. Be patient with yourself throughout this process and celebrate your progress.

“It’s Mine, All Mine!”

You did it! Time to do a happy dance (wine and friends optional), then rearrange new or existing furniture, add personal touches like artwork that speaks to your style, and create functional spaces like a reading nook or workout corner, all the while embracing minimalism as best you can (you don’t want to declutter again, do you?

Decluttering at any time, especially after a divorce, is a transformative process that can significantly impact your emotional and mental well-being. By taking control of your physical space, you can create an environment that supports your new life and helps you move forward with confidence and clarity. I invite you to embrace this opportunity to redefine your space and yourself and take the first step toward a brighter future.

Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Scroll to Top